Nathan Samuel Bang

We were all so excited waiting for our first Grandchild. I worried constantly like all Moms do hoping everything was going well. Then I found out Nathan was not going to be born healthy and well and I had to sit and watch my own sweet baby girl go through a horrible living nightmare. Watching her go through labor was hard enough, but to know she was going through all of this and wouldn't have her baby to make it all worth it was so hard to watch. I witnessed several things that night and day. Never have I seen such courage and strength in anyone. I watched her through my own tears as she stayed strong and bore the physical pain while her heart was breaking. I was so proud of her. I witnessed a deep love between her and Josh as they comforted each other. The kind of love that usually takes years of lifes ups and downs to grow between a couple. I became a Grandmother that day. I held a tiny little perfect baby in my arms and I knew he was a part of my daughter and of me and my Mom and Dad and their Moms and Dads. I felt the same kind of love I had felt four times before and my heart broke for the hours and days and minutes that would never be shared with this beautiful baby boy. That night I kissed my sweet girl goodnight and Bob and I walked out of the hospital to go home. As we stepped outside in the early evening a soft fluffy snow was falling. It was so quiet outside I told Bob I could hear the snowflakes touch the ground. It was a beautiful white silent night. God sent the snow to wrap our baby Nathan in so the angels could take him back with them to heaven. God in his great mercy heard our prayers and felt our pain and gave us our beautiful Kayla just one year later. Not to take Nathan's place but to fill our hearts with joy and love and to help us heal. She is beautiful and sweet and good. She has always been a quiet child, wise beyond her years. Kayla's sweet smile has helped to mend all our broken hearts. Then God in his invinite wisdom gave us Lori to fill all our lives with love and laughter and to keep us on our toes. Watching Kayla and Lori grow and play together is the joy of all our lives. I am so reminded of their Mommy and her sister Sara as I watch them. I will never forget that precious baby boy that was born into heaven on New Years day. There will always be a place in my heart that belongs to him alone. I thank God for letting us have him for even just a minute. He taught us how much a broken heart is capable of loving. Rachel, today think of your baby boy. Think of what might have been, remember the pain and the sorrow then cry. Cry with all your might for just a little while. Then dry your eyes and think about heaven. Think about baby Nathan being cared for by the angels and how happy he is. Now think of being there some day soon because life is short our time here goes by so fast. You will know more about how fast it goes the older you get. Nathan will be there waiting for you. Now, kiss your daughters, hold them tight. Tell them how much you love them. Put them to bed and watch them sleep. I would love to know what they dream about. Kayla probably dreams of traveling through space and big cats, riding the tractor with her Dad and making cookies with her Mom. Lori probably dreams of princesses and barbie dolls and mud pies and playing with her sister and dreaming up what she can get into next. Look at how beautiful they are. There was a time for sorrow and there is a time for joy. God is in chare and all is well. Everything is as it should be. Say your prayers and be at peace. Remember how much I love you now and always and go to sleep my sweet baby girl and dream sweet dreams. Get some sleep Kayla and Lori will be up early.